So, this post is not my normal, bragging about the kids, a good deal I found or a new car. It's just about little ole' me. Since we moved to Germany, 7 months now, my life has taken a different roll. Of course, I'm still a mom, wife, daughter and friend. But, I feel like I am just now finding who I am. I went from working and really feeling like I had a purpose to questioning my purpose. Yes, I have always stayed home, but before moving I worked from home and had a clear roll. Well, at least that is how I felt. I was so excited to make this move and get to "just stay home", see the world and be "The Commadant's Wife"! I am the first to admit that I have expectations of my life, don't we all??? I've always wanted to stay home and "raise my own kids". But, now that the time approaches that both will be in school full-time, I find myself wondering "what do I wanna do when I grow up??"
I thought that leaving DC wouldn't be that hard. Of course I knew I would be sad, I had made friends that I loved and adored. Their families had become apart of mine. The reality is that "keeping in touch" is hard. Moving to another country (really feels like another world) makes it that much harder. The time difference is something I have yet to get use to. Of course, I thought we would immediately start "seeing the world". But, during my day dreaming, I must have forgot the kids had school, Mike has work and we have a dog. So we have only managed a few day trips. My days are now consumed with my daily taxi job (school drop offs), laundry, paying the bills, cleaning house and walking the dog. Yes, these keep me busy, but not as busy as I like. Every 6 weeks, I get to "dress up" and go to the Airman Leadership Graduation. Mike is the Commadant (basically he runs a school that is required for all enlisted members to become a NCO). I suppose in my day dreams, I thought dinner parties and lots of socializing. We have had a few and once every 6 weeks or so, the school has a graduation I attend. I get to get dressed up and sit and the head table, because this event is hosted by Mike. As much as I like this event, I get so nervous everytime. We have to stand up and do a "parade wave" to the crowd, usually around 400 people or so. I watch Mike glide through this and I am so proud of his accomplishments. He amazes me!! :) Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But, I can't help but wonder what my purpose is, other than a mom, wife, daughter and friend? Yes those things are amazing! Really they are.
I want to work, but don't know what I want to do. I have my cosmetology license, but don't want to do that. I have consumed these past 9 years with the boys and now that they will both be in school, my roll is changing. As far as I don't have someone at home with me all day. It is forcing me to get out and make friends. As outgoing as I am, this move has challenged me the most, as far as making friends. Maybe because I was so blessed with the friends I left in DC. I have realized that being a military family, you make life long friends and you leave them with each move. They are always apart of your life, but with each move you add a new friend knowing that in a few years you will leave them behind. Sure you'll keep in touch with some, through cards, email, and Facebook. I didn't realize how much of a roll that my friends played in my daily life until this move.
I don't want to work, because I don't want to miss a field trip or any of the boys activities. Of course, I could still go on field trips and work and do activities, but having worked before I know that some field trips or activites will be sacraficed. I have done that before and it is OK, just not what I want right now in my life. This last week I went on a field trip with Aaron. I loved it and he did too. I overheard him tell his friend "This is the best field trip ever!" Later he told me that he had the most fun with me!! That was just what I needed. Those few words made me realize that I will embrace the new roll I have come upon and put my dreams aside a few more years! Before I know it my baby boys, will be big boys....